Evening, February 21, 2010

As i lay in bed tonight, i have been thinking about the past 3 1/2 years of my life, and all the heartbreak. I sit and think about how i am still living, and breathing....with as many times as my heart has been broken, I wonder how there are still pieces left to keep me alive. Yet, with each heartbreak, somehow i manage to pull the pieces together and go on for another day. I often wonder how one makes the decision to live their life child free, as i could very well be faced with this decision in the future. I hope and pray to god that i don't have to think about that EVER, but in reality, it is a great possibility. With my future in gods hands, i pray everyday for a miracle. I also wonder....Why me? why did i have to have these medical issues? why can't we be lucky enough to get pregnant without even trying? why do i have to be a statistic?

I go on living each day of my life as if it were my last, and hope and pray to god that he will make my biggest life dream come true. I know in my heart that i was meant to be a mommy. I pray that a medical miracle will happen this week, and that god and Dr. K will answer my prayers!